Statue

There she stood. Calm and poise. Tall and strong.  Facing the hazard of weather.  She may melt under the scorching sun of Sahara or freeze by the bitterness of winter.

I wish  I could whisper to her  ears ………… sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do, because sometimes you mean nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride but self -respect……..

But still, like a statue,  she stood high with pride………. for many years to come.

Forgive

We are more often being told that forgiving is a virtue. It is very noble indeed to forgo the resentment, hurt and pains caused by the wrongdoers to us. Yet it is easier said than done.

Forgiving someone isn’t as easy as simply to accept his apology amicably.  Or at least, give us the chance to vent out.

Or at other times, we rather hold the grudges and may never revealed if it is better to be in that way.However, holding the grudges for a long time isn’t a healthy things to do when the emotion is welling inside, just waiting for the right moment to burst out and eventually the outcome will be disastrous.

Learn to accept that people do not act the way we want them to be. They may unintentionally hurt us or they couldn’t help things that happen out of their control. The nicest things to do is to let it go for sake of our peace of mind.

Nevertheless, one thing for sure, everything can be forgiven, but not forgotten.

Heartbroken

.....the most depressing thing you'll ever know. The feeling you had was beyond description. Rejection, hurt, anger, humiliation, alone, unloved, pain, shame and everything mingled, making the wound unbearably bleeding. 

....the earth under your feet seemed to be shaking, while your vision seemed to be blurred. The denial came like a tidal wave that rock your sensibility. The wave brought a tightening shock to your chest, stabbing pain and shallow breathing. The impact was so great that you'd lost your balance.

Heartbroken.....nothing but a total lost of hope. Suddenly you felt this anger.....angry with everyone around you. As if they could not comprehend the amount of pain and anguish that well up inside you. The world seemed shattered. No birds singing in the sky. The water seemed to stop flowing. Panorama of colour vanished. Everything was quiet, grey and cruel.

But as for one, who had been through this....I may say it is not the end of the world. No matter how heartbroken you are, how much pain you're in now, try to remember that, amazing as it may be, This too shall pass eventually. Time is the essence that heals the pain and sorrow. Though now...it can be hard to believe that when  we're in the midst of feeling so hurt.

Please God....help my son goes thru this pain amicably. Mend his bruise and wound. Help him pick up the broken pieces. Let him be a wiser man and let this pain  be part of growing up. Ameen.

On My Own...

Fallin'.

Alone

Alone and lonely.  It gives  you a chill to think of it.  It’s a sense of isolation. Rejection to be exact, if it can be accepted. Going through life all by yourself is a devastating experience and it would be worst if the thought of desertion creeps into your mind. Especially when you are not given much choice about being  alone and lonely.  Like it or not, it’s already part of you. The hardest part of it,  is to get rid of it and the more you try, the greater it wants to stay.

No matter how bright the day is, in your eyes, the world seems quiet, cold and gloomy. Cold wind keeps blowing, brushing away the warm feeling you feel inside. No matter how much laughter you  enjoyed, but your inner self  crying silently, weeping over something that sometimes you hardly know. No matter how much you try to move on but  the devastating feeling of being alone and lonely is always there forever.

Gone Missing

It has been with us for four months and now, it has gone  missing. Taken away on Monday afternoon. 2.40 p.m. I couldn't believe my ears when Syida told me that she found M/KAR missing in the parking lot. Maybe she went to the wrong place due to the spacious parking  at Sultan Ismail Hospital. The thought of losing M/KAR  hit  me to the pit of my stomach. But I quickly brushed the thought away. It couldn't be us. Car theft? No!  We did not have the slightest thought it could happen to us. But in a split second, I was there in Sultan Ismail Hospital. Scanning the area like an eye of an eagle. It couldn't be. It must be somewhere here  that was out of our sight. For numerous time I drove around the parking area but failed to spot her. The sight of her was vivid in my mind. So fresh and clear. But she was nowhere to be found. My heart slowly sinking.

Driving MyLB towards Setia Indah Police Station was like driving in the air. Both of us were quiet, drifted away by our own thoughts. Once in a while, I consoled Syida, telling her in the nicest way to accept this loss. But in actual fact, I was consoling myself and at the same time, telling me to face the harsh reality that she was gone forever. Losing her was like losing something valuable. Not because of the material thing but the sentimental value we had shared with her. Scattered memories pictured in my eyes. How we had enjoyed our previous destination with her. Elegantly,  she roamed the highway of South West and East West. 


The laughter and jokes we had...teasing her owner for being so attached to her.The  last intimate moment Syida had with her was last Friday afternoon. She had spent her hot afternoon under the  scorching sun, polishing M/KAR  and complained at every small scratch that we have made

 I remembered the laughter we had that afternoon when Syida spotted a tiny scratch at the door knob. Shuufi said it was done by an insect, not by us.  Didn't think for a moment,  it was the last joke we had about her. As Syida polished her body, she gleamed and sparkled under the hot sun, Looking so bold and beautiful. No wonder, Syida was so besotted by her beauty. Though, she belonged to Syida but we, the family shared  the sense of belonging. She was  like our baby.


As I was writing about her, my mind lingered. Wondered where she was. Wondered what had happened to her. Being so over sentimental, hoping that she was in the good hands of someone. Hoping that the new owner, whoever she was with right now would take good care of 

her. Hoping she would come back to us as good as she was with us. If she was destined for us, she would come back, as good as new.


There were a few  precious and sentimental value things that went along with her. A book, ' A book of Awesome', given by my  son who is studying in US. Specially posted  from there for my Mother's Day's present. Another were a Navy cap ( hard to get ) - bought on a US army ship in Brunei and a Sponge Bob pillow. Nearly forgot  to mention Airis' s newly bought stroller from Toys r Us shop. Wondered what happened to them all.


Dear M/KAR....though you are out of reach. Clueless. I put you in GOD's hands. If it is fated that you will not be part of us anymore, we shall slowly letting you go but in our heart, you will always be there, forever will. Even though. you are no longer  with us  but our memories of you will linger on. 

The Sagittarius Birthday Celebration.

It was raining heavily when we reached Malay Village Restaurant. But the downpour didn’t dampen the spirit of the celebration.  One of the staffs  welcomed us with a big umbrella in his hand. Although we were the last to arrive but the celebration hadn’t started yet as three of the VIPs  were in our group.  From the entrance we could see everyone was waving at us, giving the direction to the venue of the event.

It was really a nice place indeed,  to dine or  celebrate as it offered the intimacy and  privacy one needed. Some were having their dinner at the open space in the garden under the soft  light. The live traditional music echoed at the background. The soothing music was like adding another appertising spice to the dish that triggered the people’s taste bud.

The room that my younger sis booked earlier was quite cozy. We had  our privacy without distracting attention or  disturbing other’s privacy.  The celebration was a simple one but what I could see and feel was the bond of relationship electrified the air in the room.  Everybody seemed to enjoy themselves especially the birthday boys and girls.

It was a usual, typical birthday celebration that normally followed  by a feast and offering slices of the birthday cake. The food was mouth-watering  especially  ikan siakap tiga rasa.

To  end  the celebration, we had a photograph session to mark the precious moments. It will be remembered as we walked down the memory lane.

One Last Final Step

 By the time I checked in, it was almost 2.15 p.m. My room was on the topmost. Got to walk up to the three storey building. I was out of breath by the time I reached the door, 309. My roommate just arrived. Put everything in place and laid down on the  comfortable, soft bed. Grabbed my notes. Read, read and read but not even one  I could retrieve.

At 4.30 p.m went down for tea and marched straight into Dewan Seri for a short briefing. Followed by a talk on the structure of  Education Ministry. Even though we were there listening to him but by the look of everyone, he could read our minds. Our minds were on the exam. The talk was informative and once in a while the speaker cracked jokes that broke the tensed air in the hall. This man really had a great sense of humour and  knew how to control the audience.  I was appointed to be Penghuluwati but reluctantly I have to turned it down. I was unwell and my continuous cough had disturbed their attention to the talk. So embarassing...

Good news  to us, the talk for the night was canceled to give us the chance  to prepare for the exam but what was unhappy about it,  we had to do it in  the hall. How could I concentrate when some of them were talking and giggling to the top of the roof instead of doing some silent reading or group discussion. How considerate they were.

My roommate prefered to continue the revision in our room. Hahahaaa....coz by the time, we reached our room, we couldn't even open our eyes. I was the first one to doze off. In the middle of the night, through my sleepy eyes I could see her seriously focusing on her study that made me  push my sleepy, lazy body to do the same as her. My eyes opened and closed. At one time. the words were clear and then slowly blurred to my vision. I couldn't go on reading so I surrendered to the need of my eyes. However, when I closed my eyes. my mind was like a computer, processing all the data and when it missed one of them...my eyes were wide open.


The terrifying moment came. My hands and feet were cold like ice. When I tried to recall what I had
 read, nothing  came to my mind. So there I was in the hall. My heart was pounding hard. My nerves were tensed. My breath was shallow. I kept on reciting doa and selawat. May God help me  to go through  this smoothly.

Taken from Walking through - A Road called Life a Poem.

On the road called life, as I walk through,

Filled with flowers of many a hue,

Thorns and thistles and shrubbery too,

Filling my path, with surprises new!

Long is the road, well lit sometimes,

When a friend comes in like a beacon of light,

Darkness shrouds it, as the night falls,

With troubles and thorns, playing their part!

An inspiring word would be all we need,

A simple smile, will happiness breed,

An extended hand, a helping gesture,

Would make this world, infinitely better!

But sullen faces are all I see,

Divisions of races, clans and spaces,

Each fighting the other,

Like brother against brother.

Is love so hard a thing to share?

Is it rare to find it here?

Give it and it shall return to you,

Doubled, multifold is all I knew!

I acquainted a thorn, on the way,

It pierced my feet and drew out blood,

My feet hurt not, but my heart,

That is still, the bleeding part.

Today is an extra busy day. Busy tidying up the house before I leave for my holidays tomorrow. It is one of my habits..... I will sweep, mop, vacuum,dust, wipe, what more......every corner of the house should be tip-topped before going for weekend trips or holidays. Leaving the house as clean as a weasel prolongs the high spirit of holiday when I come back into a clean and comfy nest. Packing usually done a few day earlier, bit by bit according to my checklist. Hahahahaa...as if I am spending for a vacation in Europe. ( I can't afford that )

Another thing which is common to us. A last minute changes of schedule. Instead of going to KL on late Friday evening ( some are still working until 5), we reschedule our plan to early Friday morning. My big brother and daughter managed to take leave. Since my hubby is still working on that day so we am going to sweep the roads of KL on our own. It gives us some times to shop, shop, shop....I'll do some shopping for my friends in JB (really??) while my daughter shops for her medical books and others will do their favourite. An extra day at Kuala Lumpur before pursuing to Terengganu tomorrow. To our surprise, my son in-law managed to be home from his offshore work just in time to join in this fun trip. However, deep inside me, I feel a certain kind of sadness. My little sis is not able to be with us due to her job obligation. Really,really sad indeed.

Ketapang Beach, Terengganu.

         
       

                                         Kite - Flying at Ketapang Beach

 I have been to Terengganu for numerous times. What I enjoyed most, are the breath-taking sceneries of  fantastic beaches along the coast and their unique dishes. Usually it is the time where I skip my diet and feast myself with nasi minyak, nasi dagang, keropok lekor and many more. These photos were taken to capture my first visit to Terengganu with my children. The last time we left Terengganu, my eldest was in Year 6. It was a 2 day visit...dropping by  my in-laws' houses which are within a walking distance to Masjid Terapung. (Al-Fatihah to Allahyarhamah, Kak Munah.) Insya Allah, it will also be the first time for me spending my holidays in Terengganu with all my siblings in this coming December. The thought of it is already enough to ignite the excitement of the journey there.

What a better life I have.

Restless. The night seems cold and quiet. That's what I feel right now. I guess everyone is busy in the kitchen preparing for the big day tomorrow. But here I am, infront of my PC...trying to find words to scribble something in my blog, in which I consider it to be my personal diary. I feel I am at the corner of the world...as if walking across the North Pole, cold and quiet.

Suddenly,my phone rings. Wonder who cares to call me at this state of moment when everyone is so occupied with one's own excitement of life. At the end of the line, I could hear the familiar voice asking about my preparation for tomorrow. For a moment, we share the same feeling of emptiness.

Later, I realised what a better life I have. Inspite of what I feel, I still possess my mobility to do whatever I wish to. I have the freedown to move about without depending on someone. How unfortunate my mum is who has been wheel-bound for so many years. 

As I walk down the road...

WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS - keep a personal journal. Express yourself on paper by writing or sketching. LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF- Learn to see humor in situations. When you do something that makes you mad and sad at yourself, or people put you down, lighten up a bit and laugh at yourself. Have a nice day Sis.

That was the sms  I received from my younger sis that triggers me to set up this blog with the intention of letting go whatever I feel as I walk down the road called life.