Sunday, October 23, 2011


There she stood. Calm and poise. Tall and strong.  Facing the hazard of weather.  She may melt under the scorching sun of Sahara or freeze by the bitterness of winter.

I wish  I could whisper to her  ears ………… sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do, because sometimes you mean nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride but self -respect……..

But still, like a statue,  she stood high with pride………. for many years to come.

Friday, October 14, 2011


We are more often being told that forgiving is a virtue. It is very noble indeed to forgo the resentment, hurt and pains caused by the wrongdoers to us. Yet it is easier said than done.

Forgiving someone isn’t as easy as simply to accept his apology amicably.  Or at least, give us the chance to vent out.

Or at other times, we rather hold the grudges and may never revealed if it is better to be in that way.However, holding the grudges for a long time isn’t a healthy things to do when the emotion is welling inside, just waiting for the right moment to burst out and eventually the outcome will be disastrous.

Learn to accept that people do not act the way we want them to be. They may unintentionally hurt us or they couldn’t help things that happen out of their control. The nicest things to do is to let it go for sake of our peace of mind.

Nevertheless, one thing for sure, everything can be forgiven, but not forgotten.

Monday, October 10, 2011


.....the most depressing thing you'll ever know. The feeling you had was beyond description. Rejection, hurt, anger, humiliation, alone, unloved, pain, shame and everything mingled, making the wound unbearably bleeding. 

....the earth under your feet seemed to be shaking, while your vision seemed to be blurred. The denial came like a tidal wave that rock your sensibility. The wave brought a tightening shock to your chest, stabbing pain and shallow breathing. The impact was so great that you'd lost your balance.

Heartbroken.....nothing but a total lost of hope. Suddenly you felt this anger.....angry with everyone around you. As if they could not comprehend the amount of pain and anguish that well up inside you. The world seemed shattered. No birds singing in the sky. The water seemed to stop flowing. Panorama of colour vanished. Everything was quiet, grey and cruel.

But as for one, who had been through this....I may say it is not the end of the world. No matter how heartbroken you are, how much pain you're in now, try to remember that, amazing as it may be, This too shall pass eventually. Time is the essence that heals the pain and sorrow. Though can be hard to believe that when  we're in the midst of feeling so hurt.

Please my son goes thru this pain amicably. Mend his bruise and wound. Help him pick up the broken pieces. Let him be a wiser man and let this pain  be part of growing up. Ameen.

Monday, January 10, 2011


Alone and lonely.  It gives  you a chill to think of it.  It’s a sense of isolation. Rejection to be exact, if it can be accepted. Going through life all by yourself is a devastating experience and it would be worst if the thought of desertion creeps into your mind. Especially when you are not given much choice about being  alone and lonely.  Like it or not, it’s already part of you. The hardest part of it,  is to get rid of it and the more you try, the greater it wants to stay.

No matter how bright the day is, in your eyes, the world seems quiet, cold and gloomy. Cold wind keeps blowing, brushing away the warm feeling you feel inside. No matter how much laughter you  enjoyed, but your inner self  crying silently, weeping over something that sometimes you hardly know. No matter how much you try to move on but  the devastating feeling of being alone and lonely is always there forever.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Gone Missing

It has been with us for four months and now, it has gone  missing. Taken away on Monday afternoon. 2.40 p.m. I couldn't believe my ears when Syida told me that she found M/KAR missing in the parking lot. Maybe she went to the wrong place due to the spacious parking  at Sultan Ismail Hospital. The thought of losing M/KAR  hit  me to the pit of my stomach. But I quickly brushed the thought away. It couldn't be us. Car theft? No!  We did not have the slightest thought it could happen to us. But in a split second, I was there in Sultan Ismail Hospital. Scanning the area like an eye of an eagle. It couldn't be. It must be somewhere here  that was out of our sight. For numerous time I drove around the parking area but failed to spot her. The sight of her was vivid in my mind. So fresh and clear. But she was nowhere to be found. My heart slowly sinking.

Driving MyLB towards Setia Indah Police Station was like driving in the air. Both of us were quiet, drifted away by our own thoughts. Once in a while, I consoled Syida, telling her in the nicest way to accept this loss. But in actual fact, I was consoling myself and at the same time, telling me to face the harsh reality that she was gone forever. Losing her was like losing something valuable. Not because of the material thing but the sentimental value we had shared with her. Scattered memories pictured in my eyes. How we had enjoyed our previous destination with her. Elegantly,  she roamed the highway of South West and East West. 

The laughter and jokes we had...teasing her owner for being so attached to her.The  last intimate moment Syida had with her was last Friday afternoon. She had spent her hot afternoon under the  scorching sun, polishing M/KAR  and complained at every small scratch that we have made

 I remembered the laughter we had that afternoon when Syida spotted a tiny scratch at the door knob. Shuufi said it was done by an insect, not by us.  Didn't think for a moment,  it was the last joke we had about her. As Syida polished her body, she gleamed and sparkled under the hot sun, Looking so bold and beautiful. No wonder, Syida was so besotted by her beauty. Though, she belonged to Syida but we, the family shared  the sense of belonging. She was  like our baby.

As I was writing about her, my mind lingered. Wondered where she was. Wondered what had happened to her. Being so over sentimental, hoping that she was in the good hands of someone. Hoping that the new owner, whoever she was with right now would take good care of 
her. Hoping she would come back to us as good as she was with us. If she was destined for us, she would come back, as good as new.

There were a few  precious and sentimental value things that went along with her. A book, ' A book of Awesome', given by my  son who is studying in US. Specially posted  from there for my Mother's Day's present. Another were a Navy cap ( hard to get ) - bought on a US army ship in Brunei and a Sponge Bob pillow. Nearly forgot  to mention Airis' s newly bought stroller from Toys r Us shop. Wondered what happened to them all.

Dear M/KAR....though you are out of reach. Clueless. I put you in GOD's hands. If it is fated that you will not be part of us anymore, we shall slowly letting you go but in our heart, you will always be there, forever will. Even though. you are no longer  with us  but our memories of you will linger on.